


Inconvenience

by MaloDogfish



Category: Milo Murphy's Law
Genre: Bodyswap, Gen, Pre-Slash, cavendish has zero fun, dakota has a little fun, sometime in season 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:09:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23423725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaloDogfish/pseuds/MaloDogfish
Summary: After a stray beam hits both Dakota and Cavendish, they find themselves in the wrong bodies, and while Dakota seems to only find this amusing, Cavendish can't help but feel terribly inconvenienced. ...And intrigued at Dakota's shades.
Relationships: Balthazar Cavendish/Vinnie Dakota
Comments: 32
Kudos: 154





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> hey, what up, i wrote this, first thing i've ever posted here. I'll be posting (pretty short) chapters every week on thursday

“C’mon, Cav, I’ve been looking forward to this weekend for, like forever.”

“Oh, please, we only made the reservation this past Monday.”

“Yeah, which was forever ago, obviously. Hasn’t it been a long week for you?”

“It’s been a perfectly adequate week.”

“Listen, we deserve a break, right? I’ve been exhausted lately. You can’t pretend that picking up trash all day isn’t hard on you too.”

“I just have a bad feeling about this.”

“It’s just a lunch, Cav, a LUNCH. At the fanciest restaurant in town. You look the part way more than I do.”

“It’s not that I’m worried about the lunch itself, or the restaurant, or, or anything really. It’s just…”

“Just…?”

“Just a bad feeling. Like… something bad will happen if we go.”

“…Not to be rude or anything, but your sense of self-preservation has been on the fritz basically since I met you.”

“Well, maybe I’m getting better at it. I haven’t died at all, have I? No, I think I can actually trust my instincts on this.”

“Yeah, huge improvement on the not-dying front. But… I wanna eat some real good spaghetti. Is that too much to ask?”

“…Perhaps I should just stay in. You could go without me. Find a date or something.”

“Psh, a date? No way. I’d rather stay home than go somewhere fancy with a rando.”

“Oh, really, there has to be someone you know.”

“Nah. Not in this time period, anyway. It’s not like I’m out socializing whenever I’m not at work with you.”

“What are you doing, then?”

“Not much.”

“…I suppose I should have expected that. Well, regardless, you could still go alone.”

“That sounds absolutely terrible. Nobody to talk to, just awkwardly eating your food trying not to meet anyone else’s eyes? There won’t even be sports playing on a bunch of TVs like at that place with the vegan barbeque.”

“…Point. Perhaps we could call and reschedule?”

“Yeah, and have to wait until next month. Cavendish, please. Just come with me to the restaurant. It’ll be great. You won’t die, I won’t die, nobody’s gonna die. I’d happily fight tooth and nail to keep things running smoothly. Doesn’t matter what happens.”

“…”

“Just lemme have my spaghetti.”

“Oh, alright. But if anything happens, I’m blaming you.”

“Even if the Murphy kid turns up?”

“Even then.”

“Woof. Alright. Let’s get going, huh? Been arguing so long we’re gonna be late.”

“Yes, let’s.”


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The drive over

It was only after they got in their van and started driving that Cavendish began to worry again. He side-eyed Dakota as he drove.

“What?” Dakota asked, not looking at Cavendish as he flipped the turn signal on.

“I wonder if they’ll even let you in, with you wearing that.” He mused, trying for all the world not to sound patronizing. It was Dakota’s typical tracksuit and shades combo.

Dakota snorted. “They’re gonna have to deal with it. We already paid.”

“Do you even own anything else?”

“Technically, yeah. I’d have to ask someone to lend me their time vehicle, though. Which, ya know, I’d rather not do.”

“I suppose that’s understandable. I haven’t really had time to purchase new clothes. Besides those Halloween costumes.”

“Oh! Yeah, I have some of those too. Not exactly fancy lunch clothes, huh?”

“No, certainly not.”

Cavendish watched as Dakota consulted his phone for directions. He looked confused, but kept driving once the light changed to green. Cavendish decided not to comment.

After another turn, Dakota looked around at the buildings streetside, then glanced at Cavendish when he noticed he was watching.

“Ah, um, I’m sure it’s around here somewhere,” Dakota said, mumbling near the end of his sentence.

Cavendish pulls his own phone out with a sigh. “What was the address again?”

Dakota rattled it off while still driving a bit slower, scanning the buildings.

Cavendish entered the address and the phone quickly calculated their route. “Turn left at this next light. You missed the turn earlier.”

“Oh.” Dakota said, picking up his phone once he maneuvered into the turn lane. He looked at his phone screen. “Why didn’t it tell me that?”

Cavendish leaned over to look at Dakota’s phone. The screen looked frozen. “I think your phone may be malfunctioning.”

“Is it?” Dakota made to poke at his phone to try and make it do something when the light turned green. He dropped the phone in a cupholder and drove.

“These old models are old even for this time period. Nearly ten years. I’m not surprised it would stop working.” Cavendish explained.

Dakota responded with a hum as he continued to concentrate on driving. It wasn’t long before they were back on track and the restaurant came into view.

“Ha! There it is. Hope they don’t mind us bein’ a little late.”

Cavendish nodded in agreement.

“I personally hope we aren’t killed by a giant runaway something or other,” Cavendish said, quietly.

Dakota chose to ignore that.

They pulled up aside a valet, who was smiling politely, but her eyebrows took on a worried upward tilt as she saw the monstrosity of a van and its driver.

“Welcome!” She pulled up a notebook. “Names?” Her smile was shaky.

“Should be under Cavendish,” Dakota said, either not noticing or ignoring her apparent discomfort.

She scanned the notebook a few times over. She smiled a little wider, though this seemed to pain her. “You’re just a bit late, sirs, but that’s no trouble at all! I’ll park your… vehicle for you and you can go and enjoy your lunch together!”

“Alright! Thanks a bunch,” Dakota said, slipping out of the drivers seat and handing the keys off to the valet. “C’mon, Cav, let’s get in there!”

Cavendish followed, giving the valet an apologetic smile.

“Aw, man, I can’t wait! It’s gonna be so fancy.”

Cavendish smiled a bit at his obvious excitement. It wasn’t as exuberant as when they visited the zoo, but it was a close call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :)


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something interrupts a nice time

After a few more slightly uncomfortable encounters with restaurant staff, they found themselves seated in the middle of the room among the completely filled tables and politely chattering restaurant patrons.

“Yeah, this woulda been torture without someone else here with me,” Dakota said, sipping some water from a wine glass.

“Well, I’m glad my and everyone else’s discomfort is not a deterrent to your enjoyment.”

Dakota’s eyes widened a bit. “Is it really that bad?”

Cavendish hummed. “I suppose it could be worse. I still have that bad feeling.”

“So ya mean you’re pretty sure it’s gonna get worse?”

“Yes, I think so. Honestly, we should just cut our losses. Get out of here while we still can.”

“Geez, Cavendish, I thought we sorted all this out. This lunch is gonna go well, or I’ll die trying to make it nice.”

“Why are you so keen on this? It can’t just be the spaghetti.”

Dakota paused for a moment, thinking. “Nope. I want me some pasta.”

“No, there are so many different places that serve food just as good. And I know that you prefer… less than fancy fare. What’s really going on here?”

Dakota got a look on his face that Cavendish immediately associated with all the times he’d been about to make an excuse or lie. Times that he realizes now were most often related to his death in another timeline.

“Cav, just relax. Like I said, we deserve something nice. Isn’t that enough?”

Cavendish started to feel a bit guilty. “…Oh, alright. I’m still holding you to what I said before. I’m blaming you if things go wrong.”

Dakota frowned but seemed to recover quickly. “I gotcha.” He took another overly dainty sip from his wine glass of water.

It wasn’t long after when a server came to their table to take their orders.

He smiled, much better at hiding his disapproval at Dakota, turning to Cavendish instead. “What can I get for you, sirs? We have a lovely selection of wines and appetizers. I suggest the lobster rolls.”

Cavendish felt a bit put on the spot. He read through the long list of wines, not knowing many of them, as many of their components had gone extinct in the intervening years. He looked to Dakota.

“I’ll have a glass of this, uhh… you know what, I’ll just have seltzer water if ya got it.” Dakota said, apparently unable to decide either.

“Same for me, I suppose.”

“Any appetizers?” The server asked, after making note of their choices.

“No sir, not for me. What about you, Cav, you want anything?”

“No, thank you. I think I’ll save the room for dessert.”

“Very well. I’ll be back with your drinks in a moment.”

“Thanks,” Dakota said, waving a bit at the man’s retreating form. “Dessert, huh?” Dakota teased, smiling widely.

Cavendish sputtered a bit. “Is it so strange to prefer sweets over… water bugs?” Cavendish said, impassioned in his disgust over lobster.

Dakota laughed loud enough to turn a few heads. “I guess not! Have you had lobster before? Is it bad like caviar? But rich people still eat it ‘cuz it’s fancy?”

“I have had lobster AND caviar. I’m not fond, personally. But best not to insult the people who are literally sitting at all the tables in this place.” Cavendish said pointedly.

Dakota looked around, watching as heads turned from watching them conspicuously. He chuckled. “Alright, alright. I’ll try not to.”

Cavendish picked up his menu, reading through the entrees, ignoring as Dakota swirled his water in his wine glass.

And then a bright blue flash of light filled the entire restaurant. A chorus of gasps and murmuring flowed through the guests. Cavendish kept his eyes shut, the flash bright enough to completely blind him, eyes in more pain than he’d ever felt. He groaned and heard Dakota groan at the same time. Blinking, clearing the blackness from his eyes, he noticed that everything was tinted orange.

“That was awful,” Cavendish said. In Dakota’s voice. Cavendish looked up.

At himself. “Um.” said his mirror image. He blinked. “I think that bad thing you were worried about happened.” No accent.

“…Dakota?” Cavendish ventured.

“Yep,” Dakota said, popping the p. Which made him acutely aware of the mustache. He began to stroke it, smiling and giggling.

“Oh, stop that!”

“Sorry. I’ve always wanted to touch it.” Dakota said, still smiling.

“Sirs? Your drinks.” The server set small seltzer glasses in front of each of them, pretending as though nothing had happened. “Are you ready to order?”

Dakota nodded. “Spaghetti, please.” He adjusted Cavendish’s spectacles and apparently marveling at the state of his eyesight.

Cavendish huffed. “Give me a few more minutes to decide, if you would.” Cavendish’s accent clashed rather horribly with Dakota’s voice. He couldn’t help but wince.

The server left.

“Dakota,” Cavendish said.

Dakota was waggling Cavendish’s spectacles, alternately looking at everything through them and without them.

“Dakota, my far-sightedness can’t be that interesting, surely.”

“Sorry, heh. It’s just cool to look at stuff without it... uh, I mean it’s a real novelty.”

Cavendish blinked. “If you want to look at things without an orange tint, could you not do it with your own eyes?”

“Well not right now, obviously,” Dakota said, finally leaving the spectacles alone.

“Yes, obviously. Also obviously, you could do this.” Cavendish made to take Dakota’s shades off.

“Hey, wait, don’t!” Dakota got up from his seat and grabbed his arm.

Cavendish narrowed his eyes.

Dakota sighed and sat back down. “It’s really bright in here. It wouldn’t be as bad as that flash probably was, but… it’d hurt.”

“These are prescription?”

“Pretty much, yeah. Not like, from an actual doctor, but I do need ‘em.”

Cavendish hummed. “I always thought it was a fashion choice.”

Dakota barked a laugh. “Well, I’d say they’re fashionable.”

Cavendish rolled his eyes. “I’d better think of something to order already. I am starving.” He consulted the menu further.

Dakota hummed.

The rest of the lunch went without a hitch. Cavendish was quite uncomfortable being on the receiving end of all the scrutiny, but Dakota seemed to enjoy himself even more. Cavendish kept catching him twirling his mustache. Cavendish would be loathe to admit it, but he did run his fingers through Dakota’s curly hair once while he wasn’t looking. It was softer than he expected.


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> milo shows up

After leaving the restaurant, as they waited for the valet to return with their van, Cavendish looked up (which was quite strange, as he hadn’t been this short in a long time) at Dakota, still in his body.

“So are we going to address this?” Cavendish said, gesturing to the body he was inhabiting.

“Yeah, yeah, of course. I figure that beam that hit us either has something to do with Professor Time or those other inventor kids that helped us with the pistachions. If we go and chat with one of them, this’ll be sorted out in no time.”

“Good. I can’t say I’m a fan of… this.”

Dakota looked down at Cavendish, frowning a bit. “Well, that’s not rude at all.”

“Sorry, sorry, I know. It’s just… different, I suppose.”

“I get what you mean. Your mustache was fun for a bit, but there was always a reason I prefer to be clean-shaven. But your eyes, man, I would keep ‘em if I could.”

“Personally I’m not a fan of any of your aspects. I feel so… tiny.”

“Yup. I got used to being the short one, though, so it doesn’t bother me anymore. Think I can definitively say I prefer it, now that I’ve seen both sides. Or points of view, rather.” Dakota said, venturing into bad pun territory.

“Yes, yes, yes, I get it,” Cavendish said before Dakota'd start explaining his pun just to annoy him.

The valet returned moments later and handed the keys to Dakota. They were on the road again when a giant sign shattered the asphalt in front of them. Dakota looked around.

“Hey, Milo!” He called out the window.

Cavendish leaned forward to get a look. It was indeed Milo Murphy.

“Oh, hey guys! Your voice sounds weird, Cavendish.” Milo replied, dodging a small stampede of bearded dragons that were spilling out of a crashed truck.

“We’re workin’ on it. Need a lift? We’re headed to chat with Professor Time anyway.”

“Sure, why not!” Milo said, smiling. He pulled a jar of beetles from his back pack and threw it, causing it to shatter and draw the attention of the lizards to the escaping bugs.

Once Milo was safely in the van, and Dakota had maneuvered onto the sidewalk and around the sign, Cavendish looked back at Milo.

“What were you up to anyway? Where are your friends?” Cavendish said in Dakota’s voice.

“Wow, your voice is weird too. Well, to answer your questions, I left the house earlier today to hang out with Melissa and Zack, but I was carried off by a Pterodactyl. See, Dr. Doofenshmirtz has been recreating old inventions of his to try and find something worth marketing. I think the Pterodactyl was there because of that.”

“Oh, I see, so he built like a reanimate-inator or whatever? I would put good money on a mind-switch-inator thing.”

“A mind-switch…? Oh, is that why your voices are so strange?” Milo pointed at Dakota in Cavendish’s body. “You’re really Dakota! And,” pointing to Cavendish in Dakota’s body, “You’re Cavendish!”

“Correct. And we are very keen on reversing this.”

“Gosh, what’s it like being in a body that isn’t your own? It must be such a shock to the system.”

“Eh, I’m just taller and my upper lip itches. Plus I can see without my eyes hurting, I guess that’s a big difference.”

“They’re prescription?”

“Apparently.” Cavendish slipped the shades off, squinting at Milo in the back seat.

“Oh wow! I’ve never seen-!”

“Hey! Put those back on, that’s a secret!” Dakota shouted, veering a bit as he drove.

“Road,” said Milo. Dakota course-corrected, and avoided an extra lizard.

“What’s a secret?” Cavendish said, curious and annoyed at the same time, putting the shades back on.

“His eyes are-” Milo started.

“I already said it’s a secret!”

“Alright, alright! I don’t see what the big deal is, but okay.” Milo said.

“You know I could just look in the rear-view mirror.” Cavendish threatened.

“Do not. It is…” Dakota paused, speaking slowly and putting a lot of emphasis on his words. “A secret. Got it?”

Cavendish had never seen Dakota get so worked up about… anything, really. He couldn’t imagine what could possibly cause such a serious change in tone in a normally very laid-back and friendly person. It shook him a bit and he felt off-kilter for the rest of the ride to the Murphy house. The brief but harrowing adventure with the concrete truck on their way over had nothing to do with it. Or at least very little to do with it.

Milo was, as usual, pivotal in redirecting Murphy’s Law. The rolling concrete truck was stopped by a giant anchor that Milo really had no business carrying in his backpack, but Cavendish wasn’t going to complain.

“Well, we’re here. And your van isn’t even broken!” Milo said, running up to his house. Dakota opened his door, which fell off its hinges. Milo looked back sheepishly. “It could be worse?” He said with a shrug.

“No worries kid, it’s a company car, they cover this sorta thing,” Dakota said, stepping over the door.

“They’d better,” Cavendish added.

Before leaving the van, Cavendish picked up Dakota’s phone, which had run out of battery. He figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask Professor Time for a favor in return for the body-switching inconvenience (as it really wasn’t so terrible as a fiasco, but at least worse than a non-issue).


	5. Chapter 4

Doofenshmirtz, after they explained their situation, was thoroughly confused, judging by the look on his face. “I think…? Something like this happened once…? Was it in the summer...? Yeah, I remember, Perry the Platypus was Perry the Teenage Girl for an afternoon. I didn’t actually do that, though.”

“So, you can’t help us?” Cavendish asked.

“Well, I’m sure I could build something that would reverse this, but it’d be a lot quicker to just find the source. Perry the Platypus might remember how he became a teenage girl… Though now that I think about it, he could have just been turned into a teenage girl, and not switched bodies with one.” Doofenshmirtz paused. “Just ask him.” He said, shrugging.

“Ask a platypus? You know they don’t talk, don’t you?” Cavendish said.

“I speak a little platypus. You could bring him here if you find him. Or maybe if I do something evil he’ll come on his own…” He hummed, apparently imagining the potential evil he could be doing.

“Do ya know where he lives?” Dakota asked, hopeful.

“No, OWCA keeps that under wraps. He could live in China for all I know. Tell ya what, I’ll do something slightly evil, and you can help out! Perry the Platypus will show up in no time.”

Cavendish and Dakota looked at each other. Cavendish figured that wouldn’t be a terrible waste of time, plus he’d get to work with Professor Time. Dakota seemed uncertain. Cavendish frowned.

“Or you could just build something to switch us back. Instead of, you know, building something else. It would save us a lot of time.” Dakota pointed out.

Cavendish hadn’t thought of that. He was still a bit starstruck around Professor Time, he couldn’t help it.

“Or both!” Doofenshmirtz said cheerfully.

“Whaddaya mean?”

“I mean, I could pretend the mind-switch-inator, which I just named, is actually part of an evil plot to confuse the entire tri-state area into making me their leader, because I’ll be the only person who won’t be confused!” He said, building to a shout.

“That seems…” Dakota started.

“Unintuitive?” Cavendish filled in.

“Yeah, that.”

Doofenshmirtz shrugged. “It doesn’t have to make sense to be evil. Besides, might as well cover our bases in case something goes wrong. Perry the Platypus can be your plan D.”

“What were plans A, B, and C?” Asked Dakota.

“Obviously, plan A was asking me to reverse the thing I didn’t do, plan B was asking me to help anyway, and plan C, which we are doing, is building the mind-switch-inator while disguising it as an evil-inator. So, I guess plans C and D are kind of a two birds one stone thing. Assuming at least one of the birds doesn’t die. And now I’m thinking about how violent hitting birds with stones is. That’s a terrible idiom, and I never even thought about it ‘til now. Huh.” He rambled. Dakota had left to sit on the couch inside the Murphy house at some point, having lost interest completely about halfway through.

“Anyhow,” Cavendish interrupted before Doofenshmirtz could get off track again, “I’m happy to assist.”

“Great!”


	6. Chapter 5

Cavendish’s mind absolutely boggled. He’d been excited to see Professor Time’s process, but it turned out to be such an inexact science that Cavendish couldn’t even keep up. About ten minutes in he stopped asking questions because the answers he did get were steeped in both technical jargon (that sounded half made up) and comparisons that made no sense (“It’s like a plane engine, except no thrust or heat or danger.”).

“Hey, Cavendish, want a lemonade? Mrs. Murphy apparently made some after all this unseasonable warm weather.” Dakota held two lemonades, one half empty.

Cavendish looked to Doofenshmirtz, who shrugged, not minding if he took a break. Cavendish stood and took the second glass Dakota was offering.

“Thank you. And be sure to tell Mrs. Murphy thank you as well.” Cavendish said, taking a sip.

“Sure, no prob.” Dakota took a sip himself. “How’s it comin’?”

Cavendish grimaced slightly. “I honestly don’t think I’m much help. His methods are…”

“Unintuitive?”

“Yes, that. Also practically nonsense.” Cavendish sighed. “There’s a reason I never became an engineer.”

“Well, I wouldn’t worry about it. Professor Time’s inventions have almost always defied explanation. No one’s been able to reverse engineer any of it.” Dakota finished his lemonade and rattled the remaining ice in the glass.

“That’s true.”

“I’m gonna go back inside. Sara’s been showing me an episode of Dr. Zone. You guys need anything out here before I go?”

“I would also like a lemonade!” Doofenshmirtz shouted from underneath a welding mask.

“Sure, sure. I’ll be back in a bit then.” Dakota said, walking back inside.

Cavendish sipped his lemonade. It was half gone.

“Where did you guys say you were when your minds got switched?”

“We didn’t say. Is it important?” Cavendish was a bit reluctant to divulge that, given the connotations. He didn’t want to bother explaining and correcting assumptions.

“Only a little. It might be nearby the lair of a different evil scientist, or like a secret government building.” Doofenshmirtz waved his hands around (while holding a soldering iron), trying to find the words he was looking for. “There are a lot of places like that in Danville. It’d just be a matter of finding the right one.”

“Alright, alright, let me pull up the address.” Cavendish took out his phone and changed the address to a place next to the restaurant. “Here.” He held out his phone for Doofenshmirtz to look at.

Doofenshmirtz squinted and hummed. “You were at a parking garage? Well, now I’m curious where you were going after parking!” Doofenshmirtz took the phone and zoomed out. “There are basically only date destinations in this area…” He looked up at Cavendish, the slight confused look on his face resolving into dawning realization.

“It’s not like that! We- we were there for the other thing that wasn’t a date!” Cavendish took his phone back and rapidly scrolled to the nearest non-date destination. “There, see! That’s where we were going to go!” He showed the screen to Doofenshmirtz again.

“The tire store? Wouldn’t you bring your van with you for that?”

“Agh!”

“Hey Cav.”

“AGH!”

“What’s this about the tire store? Do we have a flat too?” Asked Dakota.

“No! It’s nothing! Honestly! Nothing!” Cavendish shouted, threatening Doofenshmirtz with a look.

“Yeah, nothing. Thanks for the lemonade, Cavendish!” Doofenshmirtz took the lemonade Dakota had brought.

“I’m Dakota.”

“Whatever.” Doofenshmirtz waved it off and took a sip. “I’ll be done pretty soon. Five minutes, give or take a few. After that, Perry the Platypus will show up! And then, if Murphy’s Law doesn’t take effect, we’ll have you switched back and you can get back to your date!”

Cavendish’s face grew very red very fast. He glared at Doofenshmirtz.

“Hope so. We had to skip the after lunch plans.” Dakota said, not skipping a beat. Cavendish couldn’t tell if he was lying.

Cavendish’s embarrassment and anger was immediately transformed into pure confusion. Were there after lunch plans? Was it actually a date??

Doofenshmirtz nodded sagely, setting down his lemonade on his workbench and putting the welding mask back on. “Go ahead and relax. I’ll let you know when it’s done.” He waved them away.

“Yeah, c’mon Cav. The episode Sara’s got on is really weird.”

Cavendish nodded absently and followed after Dakota. His mind was going a million miles an hour, analyzing every interaction they’d ever had.

It wasn’t long before he recontextualized something that had previously confused him about Dakota. And once he did, it made perfect sense. What other reason was there to save someone’s life over a hundred times, even if it meant, well, the fate they’d been recently consigned to?

“Sorry about earlier, Cav. Figured that’d get him off your back.”

“Pardon?”

“Tellin’ him it was a date.”

Cavendish paused. “Oh. Yes, I suppose that’s… fine.”

“What? Does the idea bother you?” Dakota wiggled his eyebrows.

“Well,” Cavendish chose his words carefully, finding himself inexplicably disappointed that it was, in fact, a lie. “It would be unprofessional. But, I don’t have any serious qualms. About Professor Time, ah, thinking that. About us.”

Dakota pouted some but shrugged.

At that point, Cavendish had no idea what to think. So, like with a lot of things he didn’t understand, he tried to ignore it. Did Dakota like him as more than a friend? Who knows. Did Cavendish reciprocate? He wasn’t sure.

He sat on the couch next to him (it was still exceedingly strange to see himself from the outside), and turned his attention to a rambling Sara and the episode of Dr. Zone, which she kept pausing to point things out. Despite this, Cavendish had a very hard time ignoring the object of his confusion, unable to tear his gaze from Dakota’s familiar tracksuit (as he was wearing it), and unable to stop wondering what was so special about the eyes he’d borrowed to do so.


	7. Chapter 6

“And that’s how I knew that the Trashcandroid in episode forty-two was actually a disguised clone of the princess Dr. Zone saved from-”

“It’s done, and it works!” Doofenshmirtz interrupted.

Dakota smiled easily as he pulled himself off of the couch. “Thanks for keepin’ me and Cavendish entertained, but we don’t wanna overstay our welcome. Cav?”

“Yes, of course. Thank you for this, it’s been… enlightening.” Cavendish said, though he hadn’t been listening much.

“Oh, well no prob. Honestly, I was just kind of excited to talk with real time-travellers,” She waved them away, “go ahead and get on with your day.”

Cavendish didn’t think they’d had much input, but he certainly appreciated the sentiment. Seeing passionate people always served to brighten his day, even if he didn’t get swept up in their enthusiasm.

And then there was a massive crashing sound.

They were met with a truly unexpected sight when they went to meet Doofenshmirtz in the backyard. And by unexpected, they meant completely expected. Doofenshmirtz’s entire shed had been crushed by a tree, and hanging by his sweater vest from a high up branch was Milo. Cavendish looked up at a second-story window, and saw Milo’s friends looking down at the scene, thoroughly unimpressed. Doofenshmirtz had his hands on his hips, and the inator he’d been building sticking out of one of his pockets. He looked on the destruction of his workspace and sighed.

He turned, “Well, things can’t get any-” he started.

Perry the Platypus fell from the sky and smashed into the branch Milo was hanging from. He had a faulty parachute fluttering from his back. They both crashed to the ground, Perry landing on Milo’s stomach.

“Ow.” He said.

“Ahem. Anyway…” Doofenshmirtz took out the inator. “Here we go.”

A secondary explosion came from Doofenshmirtz’s shed, and the force of it surprised him enough that he whirled around. And fired as he did.

Milo chittered. Perry the Platypus gasped.

“Oh, no,” said Dakota.

To top it all off, the inator crackled with electricity, and when Doofenshmirtz dropped it to the ground, it popped apart, sizzling.

“That’s Murphy’s Law for ya,” said Perry the Platypus. “Sorry guys.”

“I can’t say I’m surprised,” said Cavendish.

“Now there’s two sets of people who need to be switched back! What a hassle, ugh, anyway, Perry the Platypus in Milo’s body, you were probably told I was up to something evil, but that was really just a veiled way of getting you over here so I could ask you about something that happened earlier this summer.” Doofenshmirtz paused and waited while the newly switched Milo and Perry recovered some. “You might have an idea of what I’m talking about already.”

Perry in Milo’s body nodded and chittered. He plucked his hat from Milo’s head.

“That’s right.” Doofenshmirtz confirmed, “That time you were a Teenage Girl. Do you remember how that happened? It might help everyone out of this situation here.”

Perry thought for a moment and nodded.

“This has happened to you before, Perry? What are the odds?” Milo said.

Everyone looked at him, knowing exactly what the odds were. Milo just smiled, never getting tired of that joke.

Cavendish sighed. “This is turning out to be a much bigger problem than expected.” He said, quietly.

Perry chittered.

“What do you mean?”

Another chitter.

“It was an accident the first time?”

Perry nodded.

“Some details might help, regardless.”

He paused for a moment, then chittered.

“A set of teleporters? You went through with the Teenage Girl, and that’s how your minds were switched? That makes sense. Are these teleporters still around?”

Perry shook his head. And with that, almost everyone deflated a bit.

“That still leaves the actual source of the beam that switched us. Since Doof’s stuff is destroyed, finding that is our best bet, at this point.” Dakota said.

“Oh, good! I’m glad there’s still something we can do. I was honestly getting a little worried there. I don’t want to be in a platypus body any longer than I need to.” Milo said.

“It probably won’t be easy. We still don’t have any idea where it came from.” Dakota said.

“It was nearby that district with tons of date destinations, so that leaves tall buildings in the area.” Doofenshmirtz reasoned. “What direction did it come from?” He asked, pulling out his phone.

“It was through a window, I think-” Dakota started.

“In a parking garage?”

“Parking garage?” Dakota looked to Cavendish, who avoided his eyes. “Um, through our van window. It would have come from across the street, so…”

“Okay…” Doofenshmirtz fiddled with something on his phone screen, then held it out for them to see. “These are the buildings it most likely came from. ‘Course, since Milo was nearby, there’s no telling for sure, but you could start here, maybe ask around.” A few buildings were marked with flags on the phone. None really stood out.

Perry chittered.

“Yeah, good idea, you all can split up! Well, Milo will probably need to stay with someone, but you’ll cover more ground either way!”

“Alright,” said Dakota. “Whose car we takin’?”

Cavendish sighed in exasperation. It really was just one thing after another.


	8. Chapter 7

Milo and Cavendish (in the bodies of Perry and Dakota, respectively) were driven to the first flag marked by Doofenshmirtz by Mrs. Murphy, who was happy to help sort out the situation now that Milo was directly involved.

“I’m going to that parking garage over there, let me know when you’re done and want to get to the next building!” She said, waving out the window of her car as she drove away.

“Will do!” said Milo, from the arms of Cavendish.

Cavendish turned to look up at the building. It was tall, but not quite skyscraper level tall. It looked like an office building, and, in Cavendish’s opinion, a waste of time. He sighed and started for the door. Inside was about what he expected. A receptionist sat behind a desk, idly scrolling his mouse wheel. Until he noticed them.

“Hey, hey! No animals!” he shouted.

“Sorry, but I just need to ask: do you know if any… beams were shot from this building earlier today, at around one ‘o clock?” Cavendish said.

The receptionist narrowed his eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean? This isn’t some kinda prank show filming thing, is it?”

“No, I assure you, sir, this is a completely honest inquiry. I am not pranking you.”

“Yeah, no pranks.” added Milo.

“…I’m calling security.” The receptionist said, picking up the phone receiver.

“No need, I’ll see myself out,” Cavendish said, turning on his heel.

Once outside Cavendish maneuvered Milo to get to his phone.

“I realize that we probably make a really strange pair.” Milo said.

Cavendish sighed. “Well, I doubt Dakota or Perry are doing much better.” he attempted to turn the phone on, before realizing that it was dead. He sighed again.

“So… no way to contact my mom?”

“No.”

“…We could walk?”

“I suppose we must.”

Just then, a woman with orange hair and a blue dress walked out and nearly passed them before stopping to look at them. “Is that your platypus?” she asked.

“Oh, well, not really. Why do you ask?” Cavendish replied.

“My boys have a platypus that goes missing a lot. I was thinking it might be him.”

“Oh! That’s entirely possible.”

“Our platypus has a collar, could you check it?” she said, pointing.

Cavendish did, and he was surprised to find that there was a collar buried under the turquoise fur. On it was a plaque.

“It says Perry,” Cavendish said.

“I thought it might. I could take him off your hands for you,” she said.

Milo stiffened in his arms. Cavendish thought fast.

“How can I be sure you’re really his owner?” He said.

She thought for a moment. “How about this: I take you and Perry home, and when my boys see him, you’ll know that he lives with us.”

“…Alright, I suppose.” Cavendish said. Milo relaxed a bit.

They followed the woman to a parked car outside the building. “So, where’d you find him?” She asked.

“He was just wandering around the area.”

She hummed and unlocked her car. “It’s pretty far from our house, but I guess he could’ve hitched a ride with me when I wasn’t looking.”

“Perhaps.”

“Anyway, I’m Linda, what about you?” She got in and started her car.

Cavendish got in the backseat and set Milo down. Milo gave him a thumbs up.

“I’m, ah, Dakota. Vinnie Dakota. Nice to meet you.” Cavendish lied. It would cause a lot fewer problems if they were to meet again after the mind-switching.

On the drive over Cavendish was able to learn that the house they were headed to was the home of the child inventors Phineas and Ferb. He also picked up that Linda, their mother, didn’t know about the “inventor” part. He didn’t recall much about the boys themselves, besides the Milo mech they built and that they had positive probability ions. Cavendish hoped that their luck was finally going to turn, and he’d be able to close the book on this exhausting day.

They arrived after about ten minutes, and Linda got out, calling for her sons and heading for the gate to the backyard. Cavendish also got out with Milo, but hesitated to follow her.

“Milo?” he asked.

“Yeah?”

“You know these boys, yes? It might be best if you explained the situation.”

“Oh! Yeah, I can do that.”

Cavendish nodded to himself and set Milo down. “I’m going to see if I can make some calls.”

Milo looked up at him and saluted. “Gotcha’.” He trotted off (awkwardly) on all fours to the backyard.

Cavendish heard an “Oh, there you are Perry.” as he went to ask Linda to use either a phone or a charging cable.

She let him in the kitchen, and took her hoop earrings off, setting them on the counter. She smiled and handed him a landline phone. “It’s the least I can do, since you found Perry so far away from our house. He might’ve never found his way back.”


	9. Chapter 8

It took Cavendish a while to fill everyone in (even longer with Perry, since they had to have Doofenshmirtz as a translator), so by the time he was done, Mrs. Murphy had already made it over. She was chatting with Linda Flynn-Fletcher and explaining about the strange circumstance her son had found himself in. Linda seemed absolutely flabbergasted. Apparently living alongside a pair of kids with positive probability ions shielded you from a lot of the chaos that typically plagued the city.

Cavendish had been told to keep a few secrets, of course, like the kids being inventors, and Perry being a secret agent. He did his best to smooth over explanations without revealing this or that to the wrong people. As far as Mrs. Murphy knew, she was just there to take everyone home when it was over and wasn’t actually sure how that would happen.

The inventor kid with the orange hair knocked on the sliding glass door and motioned for Cavendish to come out to the backyard.

When he did, the boy smiled and gestured to a pair of portals. “Behold!” he said in a voice that sounded not unlike Professor Time’s, “the portals! You know, like Vanessa’s dad?” then he chuckled, and added, “since we’ve built them before it only took like, five minutes.”

Cavendish blinked. “How…? I honestly can’t fathom-”

“Haha, okay, yeah, another joke. We just took our Mom’s blue dress earrings and un-shrunk ‘em.”

Cavendish gave him a look. 

Milo also gave him a look.

“Hey, Cav!” shouted a familiar voice (as it was his voice). Dakota was waving from being the fence gate.

“Ah, Dakota. You’ve made it. Is Perry with you?” Cavendish said as he made his way over to unlatch the gate.

“Yeah. He’s gonna be acting like a regular platypus while we’re here though; secret identity an’ all.” Dakota explained, quietly.

Dakota and Perry made their way into the backyard and took in the sight of the portals. Perry chittered, and Cavendish could only imagine what he was saying.

“Okay, so now that everyone’s here, I’ll go ahead and explain why it happened in the first place. You know… probably.” Phineas said.

Cavendish folded his arms. “Or we could switch back first? Before a tree falls and crushes the giant earrings?”

“Oh, yeah, I guess so, since Milo’s body is here now. It’s interesting that Murphy’s Law hasn’t been in effect while Milo in Perry’s body has been here. I guess it’s attached to Perry right now, huh?” Phineas mused while he started up the portals.

“Yep, I can vouch for that,” Dakota said. He did not elaborate.

The portals sparked to life. “Alright, all you gotta do is go through at the same time,” Phineas said.

“Don’t have to tell me twice.” said Milo, who pulled the seemingly inert platypus alongside him in front of the closest portal.

They both went through, and out the other portal in a bright flash, which hurt Cavendish’s eyes.

Milo sat up and looked at his hands. “It worked!” he shouted, smiling.

Then it was Cavendish and Dakota’s turn.

Dakota lifted him bodily and started at a full sprint toward the portal. Cavendish, who was understandably surprised, couldn’t help but let out a yelp. He screwed his eyes shut before they crossed the threshold, and with a flash, he was suddenly on his proper feet, carrying Dakota.

He fell under the weight, collapsing into the grass, an entire man sitting on his stomach.

“Lovely prank, Dakota,” he said, strained.

Dakota chuckled and laid down in the grass as well, his legs still draped across Cavendish, but now not a crushing sensation. “Thanks.”

Phineas coughed. “Anyway…” he looked to his brother.

“The portals are our mother’s earrings for certain types of outings. She was meeting with a record label willing to re-record her one-hit-wonder when something apparently interacted with the earrings and caused the initial mind-swap.” Ferb filled in.

“Yes, yes, that’s what I figured.” Phineas said.

“I suppose that’s sensible. I suspect Milo had something to do with that interaction.” Cavendish said, sitting up and shoving Dakota’s legs off of him.

“Probably. There was at least one Inator that fell out of my backpack while I was hanging upside down from that pterodactyl.” Milo said.

Everyone looked at him, and he threw his hands up in defense. “I thought they’d be useful!”

“Well, now that that’s over, we’re just gonna shrink these back down before Mom notices they’re gone,” Phineas said, turning to shut the portals down.

It wasn’t long after they shrunk the portals that Mrs. Murphy leaned out from the sliding door. “Everything good? Milo?”

“Yep! Thanks again for helping out guys.” Milo said.

“No prob. We were kinda bored anyway.” Phineas replied.

With that, Mrs. Murphy took Milo, and Dakota led Cavendish to the car he’d borrowed from Mr. Murphy.

On the Murphy’s Law laden journey back to the Murphy residence, Cavendish found he couldn’t stop thinking about the difference between the world as he saw it, and that constant calming orange tint he’d gotten a taste of.

“Have you ever seen a doctor about your eyes? I don’t think photophobia is incurable.”

Dakota didn’t say anything for a long while as he drove, and Cavendish thought maybe he never would, too distracted with watching for Murphy’s Law, even in quieter moments.

“I couldn’t,” he said.

“What do you mean? In the future, it would have been an easy fix. Even now I doubt it would be a difficult process.”

“I just… can’t. It’s- well, I…”

“Why? Honestly, you can tell me. It can’t be as bad as you think.”

Dakota seemed to deliberate internally. “In the future, you know, people who’d get permanent eye color changes?”

“Yes?”

“It’s kinda like that.”

“…But?”

“I didn’t choose.”

Cavendish wasn’t sure what to make of that. An involuntary eye-color change? That didn’t sound legal. Cavendish looked at Dakota, whose hands were gripping the steering wheel hard enough it was noticeable.

He wasn’t sure how to ask him why or how. It seemed like Dakota was bracing for something.

“Alright,” Cavendish said.

“Huh?” Dakota seemed surprised.

“It clearly bothers you, so I won’t press.”

Dakota just let out a single, sad laugh, though he sounded relieved. “Sometimes I still forget…” he muttered quietly.

“Forget what?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

Cavendish worried anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, thank you for reading!  
> I hope you enjoyed this little story. I know it was short, but I think as I get more confident and skilled with my writing I'll be able to post longer stuff. It certainly helps the motivation to know that people are reading what I write!  
> I do plan on writing a next part to this (I'm working on it now). I'll start doing weekly posts of that once I'm happy with where the plot is going.  
> Anyway, thanks again!


End file.
